Why Men Don't Go to Therapy (And Why That's Killing Them)

Men are killing themselves at alarming rates. They're dying from addiction, from preventable health problems, from suicide. And a huge part of why is that they won't ask for help.

Here's why that's happening.

First, the cultural shit. Men get the message from early childhood that asking for help is weakness. That you should be able to handle things yourself. That talking about feelings is for women. That struggling means you're failing as a man. That you should be strong, stoic, in control, self-sufficient.

All of that is bullshit, but it's deeply embedded. And it kills people.

Second, most therapeutic approaches aren't designed with men in mind. A lot of therapy is focused on feelings exploration, processing emotions, talking about your childhood. And for some men, that's fine. But for a lot of guys, that feels foreign and uncomfortable. They don't have the language for it. They weren't raised to talk that way. It feels like learning a whole new way of communicating before you can even address the problem.

Third, men often don't recognize their symptoms as mental health issues. Depression in men looks different. It shows up as irritability, anger, recklessness, substance use, physical symptoms. Guys don't realize they're depressed because they're not sad and crying. They're pissed off and drinking too much and their back hurts.

Fourth, there's shame. Deep, crushing shame about struggling. About not being able to handle it. About needing help. That shame keeps guys isolated and suffering in silence until it's a crisis.

And all of this is fucking tragic because treatment works. Therapy helps. Medication helps when you need it. But men won't access it until they're in crisis, if at all.

Here's what we need to do about it.

First, we need to reframe what strength actually is. Strength isn't suffering in silence. Strength is recognizing when something's wrong and doing something about it. Strength is asking for help when you need it. Strength is showing up and doing the hard work of getting better.

Real strength is vulnerability. Real strength is honesty. Real strength is taking responsibility for your mental health instead of letting it destroy you.

Second, we need to meet men where they are. Not everyone needs feelings-focused therapy. Some guys do better with practical, solution-focused approaches. Problem-solving. Skills training. Direct feedback. Clear goals. That's fine. That's legitimate therapy. It's just not the only model.

Third, we need to normalize this shit. Every guy struggles sometimes. Every guy has mental health. Having depression or anxiety or trauma doesn't make you less of a man. It makes you human.

And fourth, we need to stop letting cultural bullshit kill people. Men are dying because they won't get help because getting help feels like admitting weakness.

That's got to change.

At LiveWell, we see men all the time who've been struggling for years before they finally came in. And they usually say after a few sessions: "I should have done this years ago."

Yeah. You should have. But you're here now, so we can work with that.

If you're a guy reading this and you're struggling, here's what I want you to know: asking for help doesn't make you weak. It makes you smart. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away. It makes them worse. You don't get points for suffering alone.

You deserve to feel better. You deserve support. You deserve help. There's no shame in any of that.

And if the idea of traditional therapy feels uncomfortable, that's fine. Find someone who works in a way that makes sense to you. Find someone who's direct, practical, focused on solutions. That exists.

But do something. The alternative is suffering until you can't anymore, and that's not strength, that's just tragedy.

Men's mental health matters. Your mental health matters. Don't let cultural bullshit or shame or stigma keep you from getting help when you need it.

It might save your life.