Why Your Therapist Can't Fix You (And That's the Point)

People come to therapy wanting to be fixed. They want the therapist to do something to them that makes them better. Like taking your car to the mechanic. You drop it off broken, pick it up fixed, done.

That's not how this works.

Your therapist can't fix you because you're not broken. And even if you were, you're the only one who can do the actual work of changing. A therapist can't make you different. They can help you figure out how to make yourself different, but you've got to do it.

Here's what therapy actually is: it's a relationship where someone helps you see yourself more clearly, understand your patterns, learn new skills, and practice making different choices. That's it. There's no magic. There's no fixing. There's just you, doing hard work, with someone who knows how to help.

Notice how most of the work is on you? That's not a bug, that's the design.

I'll be real with you: the people who get the most out of therapy aren't the ones with the "best" therapists (though that helps). They're the ones who actually do the work. They practice the skills. They try new approaches. They make uncomfortable changes. They show up even when they don't want to.

The people who don't get much out of therapy? They show up, talk about their problems, maybe feel a little better for having vented, and then go home and do everything exactly the same. Week after week, month after month, nothing changes because they're waiting for the therapist to fix them.

It doesn't work that way.

Our clinicians are good at what we do. We know how to help. But we can't want change for you more than you want it for yourself. We can't make you do the work. We can guide, support, challenge, teach, and hold space, but we can't change you. Only you can do that.

And honestly? That's good news. Because it means you're not dependent on finding the perfect therapist or the right technique or the magic words that make everything better. You've got agency. You've got choice. You can decide to do things differently, and then you can actually do it.

Therapy is useful. Therapy works. But it works because it helps you help yourself, not because someone fixes you.

So if you're in therapy and not seeing progress, ask yourself: are you actually doing anything different outside of sessions? Are you practicing skills? Are you trying new approaches? Are you making different choices? Or are you just showing up, talking, and hoping something will magically shift?

If it's the latter, nothing's going to change. Not because your therapist is bad, but because therapy isn't a passive experience. It's work. You've got to do it.

And if you're thinking about starting therapy, go in with realistic expectations. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to be quick. You're not going to be fixed. But if you show up and actually do the work, you can figure out how to function better, make different choices, and build a life that doesn't feel like shit all the time.

That's the point.