Anxiety Isn't the Enemy

People want their anxiety gone. They come in asking for medication to make it stop, therapy to eliminate it, some trick or technique to never feel anxious again.

I get it. Anxiety feels terrible. But here's the thing: anxiety isn't the problem. Anxiety is your brain trying to protect you. The problem is when that protection system gets overzealous and starts seeing threats everywhere.

Let me explain what anxiety actually is. It's your threat detection system. It's the part of your brain that says "hey, pay attention, something might go wrong here." That's useful. You need that. Without anxiety, you'd walk into traffic, blow off important deadlines, never prepare for anything, and generally make terrible decisions.

That's when anxiety becomes a problem. Not because it exists, but because it's not functioning properly.

Here's what I see all the time: someone feels anxious about something real (a presentation, a difficult conversation, a medical appointment). That anxiety is appropriate. But then they start feeling anxious about feeling anxious. They think something's wrong with them for being nervous. So now they've got the original anxiety plus anxiety about having anxiety, and they're spiraling.

Or they've spent so long avoiding things that make them anxious that their world has gotten smaller and smaller. They can't drive on the highway. They can't go to social events. They can't handle anything unexpected. The anxiety hasn't gone away. It's just taken over.

You don't have to feel calm to do hard things. You can feel anxious and still show up. You can feel nervous and still have the conversation. You can feel scared and still take the risk.

Most people think they need to fix their anxiety before they can do the thing. But it works the other way. You do the thing while anxious, and over time, your brain learns the thing isn't actually dangerous. The anxiety decreases because you've given your brain new information.

Avoiding the thing that makes you anxious gives your brain the opposite message. It says "yes, that thing is dangerous, good call on avoiding it." So the anxiety gets stronger, and your world gets smaller.

Now, sometimes anxiety is so overwhelming that you need help managing it before you can do much of anything else. That's where medication can help. That's where therapy comes in. But the goal is still the same: learning to function with anxiety, not eliminating it entirely.

We work with people on this every day. Anxiety that's interfering with work, relationships, daily life. And what works isn't trying to make the anxiety go away. It's learning to work with it, understand it, and move forward despite it.

Your anxiety isn't your enemy. It's a part of your system that's trying to keep you safe. It's just not very good at assessing what's actually dangerous. Once you understand that, you can work with it instead of fighting it.

And that makes all the difference.