You're Making a Choice Right Now (Even If It Doesn't Feel Like It)

This is the foundation of everything: you're making choices all the time. Every moment, every action, every thought pattern, every response. You're choosing.

Most people hate this. They'd rather believe things just happen to them. That they're stuck. That they don't have options. That circumstances or other people or their mental health or their past or whatever else is controlling them.

But that's bullshit.

Even when your options suck, you're still choosing. Even when you feel trapped, you're making decisions. Even when something feels automatic, you're choosing to let it be automatic instead of interrupting it.

Let me be clear: I'm not saying everything is in your control. Circumstances matter. Genetics matter. Past trauma matters. Mental health matters. All of that is real, and all of that affects what choices are available to you.

But within whatever constraints you're dealing with, you're still making choices.

You choose to get out of bed or not. You choose to take your medication or skip it. You choose to show up to your appointment or cancel. You choose to drink or not drink. You choose to have the hard conversation or avoid it. You choose to try something different or keep doing what you've always done.

Every single one of those is a choice.

And here's the thing: recognizing that is actually empowering, not limiting. Because if you're making choices, you can make different choices. If you're not just a victim of circumstances, you can actually do something about your situation.

But people resist this hard. Because recognizing choice means recognizing responsibility. And responsibility is uncomfortable.

It's easier to say "I can't help it" than to say "I'm choosing this even though it's making my life worse."

It's easier to say "I have no choice" than to say "I don't like my options but I'm choosing the one that feels safest even though it's not helping."

It's easier to say "my depression won't let me" than to say "I'm choosing not to do this right now because it feels overwhelming."

The second version in each of those? That's being honest about choice. And it opens up possibilities.

If you can't help it, you're powerless. If you're choosing it, you can choose differently.

If you have no choice, you're stuck. If you're making a choice between difficult options, you can evaluate which option actually serves you better.

If your depression won't let you, you're a victim. If you're choosing not to right now because it feels overwhelming, you can ask yourself what would make it less overwhelming, or you can choose to do it anyway, or you can choose to ask for help.

See the difference?

This isn't about blame. This isn't about shame. This is about agency.

Now, some people hear this and think I'm saying mental health isn't real, or that people should just choose to not be depressed. That's not what I'm saying at all. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. Trauma is real. All of it affects your capacity to make choices and what choices feel possible.

But even within depression, you're making choices. You're choosing to stay in bed all day or to get up. You're choosing to isolate or to reach out. You're choosing to keep suffering alone or to get help.

And recognizing those choices, even when they're hard, gives you back some power.

Here's what I see in practice: people come in feeling completely powerless. Life is happening to them. They're stuck. Nothing ever changes. They've tried everything. Nothing works.

And then we start looking at their choices. Not to blame them, but to identify where they actually have agency. And every single time, we find choices they didn't realize they were making.

They're choosing to stay in relationships that make them miserable. They're choosing jobs that destroy them. They're choosing to use substances to avoid feelings. They're choosing isolation over connection. They're choosing familiar pain over uncertain change.

Once they see the choices, they can make different ones. Not easily. Not without support. But they can.

That's the whole point. You're not helpless. You're making choices. And that means you can start making different ones.

Right now, you're choosing to keep reading or to stop. You're choosing to consider what I'm saying or to dismiss it. You're choosing how you're going to respond to this information.

You're always choosing. The question is whether you're going to be honest about it.